[Thought]: Fight to be on my feet

It must have been the bruise. As I just sat there I realized it. It was not the fall. It was never the fall.

The fall came easy. Just a little slip that cascaded into a collapse and loss of grasp in that moment. Then the inevitable fall. At the bottom I just sat. Wondering where it went all wrong. Somehow the moment is all muddled and the time is skipping ticks. The sequence is so clear and yet it is random. Did the dots ever connect or am I thinking them aligned like the constellations that never have the stars even close? It was just cause and effect, action leading to reaction leading to another reaction. It could have actually swung in many ways and I would not be here. But I am. Here, at the bottom at this moment.

But why am I still here? Because the bruises will not let me move. I am hurt, I can feel the pain. The tears roll down even when I try to control them and not show. But the hurt is real and a big part of me fights it with all strength and another is acknowledging it. The tears are hot as they roll down, not cool. They are burning my skin. They are not of pain but of anger. I am angry because I can't stand up. Maybe not because of that. But the anger is at they way I can't get up. And maybe because I can't let go. Maybe because I fell when I did not expect to fall. Maybe it's just my ego.

Yes it must be the bruise of my ego. Holding me down. The more persistent of the pains. It gnaws at my conscience.

Let go. Let it be. Stand up. Acknowledge that you had the courage to fight. Acknowledge that you had the courage to take the risk.

Stand up because you are better on your feet than watching the world pass by as you sit and nurse your ego. Stand up because there are more fights coming your way. Stand up and take the shield of courage because the world needs to be beneath your feet. Stand up because there is so much to be and so much to live. Stand up because the next fall is waiting for someone like you to take a chance. Stand up because I am better than this. And I stand up.

Yes I am afraid I will fall again. Yes I am still hurt. But, I am up. I am set to explore more. I am learning more. I am fighting harder. I am living more. I am alive and loving it!